segunda-feira, janeiro 30, 2006

Minha vida será bem melhor a partir do dia em que eu puder encarnar Jay-Z e gritar aos quatro ventos: "If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son / I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one"!!!!

quinta-feira, janeiro 19, 2006

Desista, você não vai descobrir nada sobre mim aqui, exceto que tenho preguiça de escrever, cada vez menos saco para ostentar verve pseudo-literária ou ser apreciado e um desprezo crescente pela vida virtual.

quarta-feira, janeiro 11, 2006

Pronto, viciei. Fudeu.

Segunda temporada:

A trupe acaba de encontrar o novo secretário de Ari, um japinha efeminado, Lloyd.

Johnny Drama: A bigwig like Ari should have a hot assistant to look at.
Vincent: Johnny, some people probably think he is hot.
Johnny Drama: I ain't one of them people. Come on, Turtle, let's go. The only reason we stopped by was to see how Emily treated you.
Turtle: Peace.
(Johnny e Turtle saem, entra Ari)
Ari: The boys are back in town! (Pause.) You like "gaysian Lloyd"? He's cute, right? And he covers two quotas.
Eric: Did you fire Emily?
Ari: I had to. To make sure you wouldn't fuck another one of my assistants. You're not gonna try to fuck Lloyd, are you?

(...)

No restaurante, Ari e Eric discutem o próximo passo na carreira de Vince:

Ari: How did you get it?
Eric: Turtle found it on the subway. What's it matter? We wanna do it.
Ari: And I want to fuck Angelina Jolie. The only difference is, I might have a shot.
Eric: We don't have a shot?
Ari: No. You want to know why? They're out to a guy. I don't know if you ever heard of him. His name is Tom Cruise.
Eric: Tom Cruise is gonna play Pablo Escobar? The guy is not even hispanic.
Ari: Hillary Swank has a vagina. She won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend.
Eric: I get it. I get it, okay. So, what if Cruise passes?
Ari: They go to Brad Pitt. He passes, they go to Keanu Reeves. And on down the list.
Eric: Where is Vince on that list?
Ari: He ain't on the list.
Eric: How do we get him on the list?
Ari:You do "Aquaman," you stupid fuck!
(...)
Ari: Before he did "Born on the Fourth of July", Tom Cruise did "Top Gun." Hanks fucked a fish before he did "Forrest Gump." We need a commercially viable
popcorn flick.

(...)

Na joalheria:

Vince: Nothing says "I cheated" more than an expensive piece of jewelry.
Eric: I'm gonna tell her, so what's the difference?
Everybody: No!
Eric: Let's hope she forgives me.
Johnny Drama: Don't you listen to a word we say?
Vince: I agree with these guys. You're making a mistake.
Eric: All this coming from a guy who's never had a relationship that's lasted longer than a week.
Vince: What, and that's an insult? (Pause.) You tell someone you cheated if you want to break up with them. Otherwise, it's a selfish way to get rid of your guilt.
Turtle: Well said.
Vince: Thank you.
Turtle: You tell her, she'll never trust you again.
Vince: If you want to stay with Kristen, you keep your mouth shut. (...) And you don't do it again.
Johnny Drama: Exactly.
Eric: None of this would have happened if you guys didn't put it in my head she was cheating.
Johnny Drama: Don't blame us 'cause you're weak!
Turtle: I'll take the blame for last night, but you banging her again this morning, that's on you!
Eric: Who said I did?
Turtle: What? She was really hot.
Eric: So?
Johnny: She was the hottest girl you ever been with.
Turtle: Ever.
Eric: Kristen's not hot?
Johnny: Kristen's cute in that "I want to marry you so I can divorce you some day" way. But that girl last night...she could start wars.
Turtle: She was Vince-hot. You ain't never had Vince-hot.
Eric: Vince and I used to compete for girls in high school. He didn't always win.
Vince: I let him have Gina Debernardo when he got cut from the baseball team.
Eric: Take away your fame, we're still competing and you know it.
Vince: Either way, no girls in high school were that hot. So just tell us. Did you fuck her this morning or not? (The Jewelry's female clerk looks at him, shocked look in her face. Vince smiles to her)
Eric (to jewelry clerk): Uh, how much is this one?
Jewelry Clerk: It's $1,400.
Eric: Okay, I'll take it.
Turtle: He fucked her.
Johnny: Definitely.

(...)

Na sauna:

Ari: I'm gonna read this entire script. You know why? It's that good. Andrew Kevin Walker wrote it.
Eric: The guy who wrote "Seven"?
Ari: Yeah. Anyone who puts Gwyneth's head in a box is okay by me.
(...)
Vince: (to Ari, pointing to Eric) He bought Kristen jewelry and he's confessing tonight.
Ari: No confessions. Did you read the papers, you idiot? Did you hear about this guy? He confessed to a murder in 1973 with no clues. They're gonna give him 25 years. Shut your mouth. Do not say a word, or you will end up being gang-banged by a bunch of cholos. Just relax. It's Hollywood, baby. Everyone strays sometimes.
Eric: Does your wife?
Ari: That's the mother of my kids. Don't be an asshole.

segunda-feira, janeiro 09, 2006

Eric acabou de fazer sexo com sua ex pela última vez quando ela foi buscar suas coisas.
Turtle: So you just plowed your ex-girlfriend, didn't you?
Eric: We had "break-up sex", that was it.
Johnny Drama: "Break-up sex"? Never heard of it.
Eric: Well, you have sex, then you say goodbye.
Johnny Drama: That's the only kind of sex I have.

(...)

Emily é assistente de Ari. Ela e Eric terminaram. Eric vai até sua mesa:
Eric: Hey.
Emily: [into intercom] Pizza boy's here.
Eric: Really?
Emily: Really.
Eric: [suspira e entra no escritório de Ari] What's wrong with her?
Ari Gold: From now on ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How'd you know that?
Ari Gold: 'Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta fire her so you don't feel weird.
Eric: No. Don't fire her.
Ari Gold: All right. Well, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits.

É por essas e muito mais que um domingo tedioso pode ser salvo por se assistir à primeira temporada inteira de Entourage.

terça-feira, janeiro 03, 2006

Por onde anda a esperança do amor? Começou o ano agorinha mesmo e já ouço histórias estarrecedoras de gente conhecida indo a outros Estados do Brasil atrás de um amor desconhecido ou mesmo uma breve paixão, em circunstâncias diferentes, algumas já o prenúncio do desastre. 2006 já começa como o ano dos "blind dates". Meu 2006 começou com uma reviravolta na minha cabeça e eu agora não sei se também me encontro querendo um "blind date", mas não um encontro às escuras ou mesmo uma menina cega (ta-ra-ra-ram-tssss, barulho de pratos, primeira piada infame do ano). Meu "blind date" só assim se caracterizaria porque eu quero mergulhar em seu desconhecido, compartilhar o secreto, destruir a negação que a domina e tomar conta do seu desejo. Como fazê-lo? Não sei. Daí o "blind". Go figure.
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